Winter conference. Mixed feelings about it haha. Let's see what happens.
I guess that'll mean I'll have to stop listening to "Enchanted". Unless I buy it now MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Kinda wish I could "Christianize" the song =[.
Good song I guess, but requires heart-guarding to listen to. I think I've come a long way in guarding my heart, but sometimes one look can still sweep me away. I'm so glad God's word is such a firm foundation, because I can't trust myself at all. Thanks to God and all the brothers and sisters who have been putting up with me all these years. Maybe I'll go into details later, but I gotta get my Chinese buns for breakfast for the next week during the conference =P.
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
~1 Timothy 5:1-2
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Casinos
During my 3-day "vacation" at Niagara from December 20-22, I got a chance to going into the casino.
I kinda knew someone was going to suggest I accompany them, and in my mind I was ready to outright reject any invitations from any family members. You know, actively show my dislike for gambling, be a good witness for Christ, etc. Of course, I was also worried about looking like a pharisee, and was a bit torn there as well.
After a while though, I started wanting to go in. I wanted to see what the people inside looked like. See what drew people inside.
I was surprised at first. It was so empty! My mom said later on that it was because it wasn't peak season (not sure what makes it peak). She showed me the slot machine my whole family loved playing. Not even sure how to comment on that.
After that experience, I felt paralyzed. The slot machines are so similar to video games. I know this addiction. This voluntary slavery. The downward spiral where pleasure becomes need, where you don't play anymore to enjoy it, but because you are controlled by it. What can I do but pray for these people? I wanted to just start spreading the gospel in there. I felt so helpless, and just wanted to run away from this spiritual battle. From the battlefield that is my family. But I couldn't, so I asked God for strength.
I was later reminded:
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.
~1 Corinthians 16:13-14
I'm so afraid God - I don't want to be hurt anymore. And I know following You is tough. Only You can make me a man of courage.
I kinda knew someone was going to suggest I accompany them, and in my mind I was ready to outright reject any invitations from any family members. You know, actively show my dislike for gambling, be a good witness for Christ, etc. Of course, I was also worried about looking like a pharisee, and was a bit torn there as well.
After a while though, I started wanting to go in. I wanted to see what the people inside looked like. See what drew people inside.
I was surprised at first. It was so empty! My mom said later on that it was because it wasn't peak season (not sure what makes it peak). She showed me the slot machine my whole family loved playing. Not even sure how to comment on that.
After that experience, I felt paralyzed. The slot machines are so similar to video games. I know this addiction. This voluntary slavery. The downward spiral where pleasure becomes need, where you don't play anymore to enjoy it, but because you are controlled by it. What can I do but pray for these people? I wanted to just start spreading the gospel in there. I felt so helpless, and just wanted to run away from this spiritual battle. From the battlefield that is my family. But I couldn't, so I asked God for strength.
I was later reminded:
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.
~1 Corinthians 16:13-14
I'm so afraid God - I don't want to be hurt anymore. And I know following You is tough. Only You can make me a man of courage.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Post-Exams
So relieved to be done! I had to much I wanted to write last two nights, but it seems like everything just flowed out of my head (like everything I studied in the last 10 days or so lolz).
I felt like I've achieved bankai, went into seed mode, did a limit break, and still failed to come close to getting the marks I wanted (ie. pass haha). As I sit here recalling all the emotions and thoughts that went through my head, I found that both had failed me. And I wasn't unfamiliar with those despairing thoughts and emotions, but they sought to break me completely this time.
I remember one thought I had was how stupid it was for me to be struggling through this. I mean, this was nothing compared to Jesus (Matthew 27:45-46) or Paul (2 Corinthians 1:8-11), or (in hindsight) even things some brothers and sisters are going through right now. Thinking about it now, it's a reflection of just how weak I am, and yet how strong I am in Christ. It's not making much sense to me in my head haha, and it's such a weird idea to embrace in my head. It's like plotting p and ~p (continuously, somehow), and finding that there's a positive correlation between two opposite ideas!
One of the big things that really caused me to be bitter was that the end of exams were not the end of it! Instead of just chillaxing after my birth pains (sorry I wanted to use that for a while to describe exams =P), my next "assignment" (lack of a better word) was already laid out for me.
During a conversation with a non-Christian, I made the statement that "80 years is nothing - it's such a short period of time". With this context, it doesn't matter when Jesus returns; there's so little time either way! And it was this statement that made me realize that we don't have that much time to work. It then becomes simple, because it's all about fractions: the less time we spend on ourselves, the more time we have for others.
Of course, I believe there are many flaws with this generalization (not enough emphasis on motivation, and issues such as with Martha, and with people-pleasing issues), but the question remains: am I willing to change my lifestyle purely for the sake of serving another person? To lay down my life for theirs?
I felt like I've achieved bankai, went into seed mode, did a limit break, and still failed to come close to getting the marks I wanted (ie. pass haha). As I sit here recalling all the emotions and thoughts that went through my head, I found that both had failed me. And I wasn't unfamiliar with those despairing thoughts and emotions, but they sought to break me completely this time.
I remember one thought I had was how stupid it was for me to be struggling through this. I mean, this was nothing compared to Jesus (Matthew 27:45-46) or Paul (2 Corinthians 1:8-11), or (in hindsight) even things some brothers and sisters are going through right now. Thinking about it now, it's a reflection of just how weak I am, and yet how strong I am in Christ. It's not making much sense to me in my head haha, and it's such a weird idea to embrace in my head. It's like plotting p and ~p (continuously, somehow), and finding that there's a positive correlation between two opposite ideas!
One of the big things that really caused me to be bitter was that the end of exams were not the end of it! Instead of just chillaxing after my birth pains (sorry I wanted to use that for a while to describe exams =P), my next "assignment" (lack of a better word) was already laid out for me.
During a conversation with a non-Christian, I made the statement that "80 years is nothing - it's such a short period of time". With this context, it doesn't matter when Jesus returns; there's so little time either way! And it was this statement that made me realize that we don't have that much time to work. It then becomes simple, because it's all about fractions: the less time we spend on ourselves, the more time we have for others.
Of course, I believe there are many flaws with this generalization (not enough emphasis on motivation, and issues such as with Martha, and with people-pleasing issues), but the question remains: am I willing to change my lifestyle purely for the sake of serving another person? To lay down my life for theirs?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
All of me
You say, strength is found in weakness
Peace in incompleteness
So why do I hold on?
You look, for a heart that's open
For beauty in the broken
So why am I withdrawn?
My soul's screaming out
To be found in You
Spirit draw me to my knees
Captivate all of me, all of me
Here before You honestly
Captivate all of me, all of me
I'm so messy and distracted
Undisciplined and tactless
Here on the inside
I thought age would tell the secrets
But the secrets are still secret
And the years are passing by
Teach me to wait in the moments of my need
Teach me to hear the melodies of peace
~Captivate - Starfield
dy/dx: I always smile when I hear or think about the word "captivate". Too kawaii =P.
Peace in incompleteness
So why do I hold on?
You look, for a heart that's open
For beauty in the broken
So why am I withdrawn?
My soul's screaming out
To be found in You
Spirit draw me to my knees
Captivate all of me, all of me
Here before You honestly
Captivate all of me, all of me
I'm so messy and distracted
Undisciplined and tactless
Here on the inside
I thought age would tell the secrets
But the secrets are still secret
And the years are passing by
Teach me to wait in the moments of my need
Teach me to hear the melodies of peace
~Captivate - Starfield
dy/dx: I always smile when I hear or think about the word "captivate". Too kawaii =P.
Honestly
Could I let go of all that You've given
If it meant that it all would be Yours?
Could I sit at Your feet, and forget about me, and remember what I’m here for?
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Cause honestly I’m figuring out
That of all that I have, all that I need is You
Honestly
If I leave behind all thats familiar
Could I do what has never been done?
If I believed in You, like You believe in me, would You finish the work You've begun?
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Cause honestly I’m figuring out
That of all that I have, all that I need is You
Honestly
Your all that I need
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Cause honestly I’m figuring out
That of all that I have, all that I need is You
Honestly
~Honestly - Carl Cartee
Wish there was something I could do with the seemingly inevitable. I don't want to lay down my life for them. I don't I don't I don't. But You refuse to let me hide here anymore.
If it meant that it all would be Yours?
Could I sit at Your feet, and forget about me, and remember what I’m here for?
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Cause honestly I’m figuring out
That of all that I have, all that I need is You
Honestly
If I leave behind all thats familiar
Could I do what has never been done?
If I believed in You, like You believe in me, would You finish the work You've begun?
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Cause honestly I’m figuring out
That of all that I have, all that I need is You
Honestly
Your all that I need
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Cause honestly I’m figuring out
That of all that I have, all that I need is You
Honestly
~Honestly - Carl Cartee
Wish there was something I could do with the seemingly inevitable. I don't want to lay down my life for them. I don't I don't I don't. But You refuse to let me hide here anymore.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Forgetting All I'm Lacking
The best proof you can ever have of God's being mighty to save, dear hearers, is that he saved you.
~Spurgeon, 1857
So various people has pointed out that "Forgetting All I'm Lacking" spells "F.A.I.L.". How fitting =P.
I'm 50% sure I got less than 50% on my exam today. A big part of me is hoping that I pass, but I have no evidence at all as to why I should receive the grade. No reason at all for that hope.
The funny thing is, I feel so much better right now compared to how I felt two days ago. Thank you for all your prayers, and transcendent peace ftw (Philippians 4:6-7).
A big part of the last two days was remembering why I'm here in the first place. Remembering that I was never promised I will get the degree, but that I will be transformed through school. God has already been so faithful in doing that, and I've grown so much since I was a frosh.
I remember now that my hope is not on my strength, nor my mark (or should I say myself ha ha ha). My hope is that God will be glorified. Not the easiest thing to hold on to, since I love to use the time and energy given to me for myself. I don't know how often I am self-serving when serving. It seems the more I know myself, the more incredulous I become as to believing I am saved. And even more incredulously, some part of me still holds on to my ability or my worthiness. I seem to be the biggest hindrance to God being glorified.
But our God is mighty to save. And He is the Redeemer of my soul. So there's really nothing much to do but to "forget all that I lack", and press on. Let Him do His thing. Not like I can stop Him anyways. At least I have an excuse to sleep like a Calvinist =P.
Soli Deo gloria
~Spurgeon, 1857
So various people has pointed out that "Forgetting All I'm Lacking" spells "F.A.I.L.". How fitting =P.
I'm 50% sure I got less than 50% on my exam today. A big part of me is hoping that I pass, but I have no evidence at all as to why I should receive the grade. No reason at all for that hope.
The funny thing is, I feel so much better right now compared to how I felt two days ago. Thank you for all your prayers, and transcendent peace ftw (Philippians 4:6-7).
A big part of the last two days was remembering why I'm here in the first place. Remembering that I was never promised I will get the degree, but that I will be transformed through school. God has already been so faithful in doing that, and I've grown so much since I was a frosh.
I remember now that my hope is not on my strength, nor my mark (or should I say myself ha ha ha). My hope is that God will be glorified. Not the easiest thing to hold on to, since I love to use the time and energy given to me for myself. I don't know how often I am self-serving when serving. It seems the more I know myself, the more incredulous I become as to believing I am saved. And even more incredulously, some part of me still holds on to my ability or my worthiness. I seem to be the biggest hindrance to God being glorified.
But our God is mighty to save. And He is the Redeemer of my soul. So there's really nothing much to do but to "forget all that I lack", and press on. Let Him do His thing. Not like I can stop Him anyways. At least I have an excuse to sleep like a Calvinist =P.
Soli Deo gloria
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Despair
Ugh it's all coming back to me now (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxoj-tDDIU; out of context). Hey, listening to it made me smile lolz. I blame my mom for her influence.
I'm scared. And as much as it doesn't help my reputation of being girly and a weak man, it's not like I can pretend otherwise.
I know God will be glorified whether I pass or fail. I know He won't love me less if I fail. I'm familiar with God's grace in exams (maybe). Yet, here I am again, immobilized by the despair in the coming nine days. Nine days and six exams, where I failed the midterm for two courses. It's so ironic, cause it's a positive feedback thing where I don't want to fail, but I don't want to do anything about it.
Maybe what I need isn't more time, but more God. More hope on Him. From Him. Rawr.
I want to quote Matthew 6:25-34, but I haven't been maximizing my time for Him and His kingdom. I want to quote Proverbs 20:4, but it is of no motivation. There's 2 Timothy 2:20-21, but I don't think I have the strength to take the first step. 2 Timothy 1:7, but I'm pretty sure that's out of context. What I could use is some Proverbs 20:5, although even then, I can't change without God's grace. Matthew 8:34? Maybe. Or maybe I should just pray and sleep. Gah. Can't even be sure if God is glorified with this post. *waves arms frantically*
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
What's the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail You
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then You assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then You assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like He would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
~More Than Useless - Relient K
Soli Deo gloria.
And if there isn't any, consider this as a badly presented prayer request.
I'm scared. And as much as it doesn't help my reputation of being girly and a weak man, it's not like I can pretend otherwise.
I know God will be glorified whether I pass or fail. I know He won't love me less if I fail. I'm familiar with God's grace in exams (maybe). Yet, here I am again, immobilized by the despair in the coming nine days. Nine days and six exams, where I failed the midterm for two courses. It's so ironic, cause it's a positive feedback thing where I don't want to fail, but I don't want to do anything about it.
Maybe what I need isn't more time, but more God. More hope on Him. From Him. Rawr.
I want to quote Matthew 6:25-34, but I haven't been maximizing my time for Him and His kingdom. I want to quote Proverbs 20:4, but it is of no motivation. There's 2 Timothy 2:20-21, but I don't think I have the strength to take the first step. 2 Timothy 1:7, but I'm pretty sure that's out of context. What I could use is some Proverbs 20:5, although even then, I can't change without God's grace. Matthew 8:34? Maybe. Or maybe I should just pray and sleep. Gah. Can't even be sure if God is glorified with this post. *waves arms frantically*
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
What's the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail You
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then You assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then You assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like He would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
~More Than Useless - Relient K
Soli Deo gloria.
And if there isn't any, consider this as a badly presented prayer request.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
all-nighter
SoOoooo I'm doing an all-nighter (maybe) for my 25% paper, and I thought it'll be cool to log my thoughts as I go.
10:44 PM
Listened to "Trading My Sorrows" twice now, and still smiling at the thought of "though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes with the morning". Got r.h. to throw something at me already =P. Transcendent peace ftw (Philippians 4:6-7).
10:52 PM
The older the highlighter markings, the darker yellow it becomes. Failed at relating that thought to Jesus.
11:03 PM
Almost got r.h. to throw something at me again =D. I love our bonding moments.
11:20 PM
Starting to feel tired *sighs*.
12:48 PM
I think I've chatted on GTalk for like an hour now LOLZ. I think it's worth it though - so much sharing. It's back to work I go...
1:21 AM
IT'S SNOWING =D
4:00 AM
r.h. is done! =D Onward and upward for me.
5:00 AM
My blackberry started playing a vbs song haha - "I could sing of Your love forever".
7:04 AM
Been done for about an hour now - played a lot of pokemon =P. r.h. is knocked out in front me of
7:22 AM
Watching the sun rise, and proof-reading my paper
7:27 AM
It's snowing!! =D
8:34 AM
It's snowing even harder! Off to print my paper =]
10:44 PM
Listened to "Trading My Sorrows" twice now, and still smiling at the thought of "though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes with the morning". Got r.h. to throw something at me already =P. Transcendent peace ftw (Philippians 4:6-7).
10:52 PM
The older the highlighter markings, the darker yellow it becomes. Failed at relating that thought to Jesus.
11:03 PM
Almost got r.h. to throw something at me again =D. I love our bonding moments.
11:20 PM
Starting to feel tired *sighs*.
12:48 PM
I think I've chatted on GTalk for like an hour now LOLZ. I think it's worth it though - so much sharing. It's back to work I go...
1:21 AM
IT'S SNOWING =D
4:00 AM
r.h. is done! =D Onward and upward for me.
5:00 AM
My blackberry started playing a vbs song haha - "I could sing of Your love forever".
7:04 AM
Been done for about an hour now - played a lot of pokemon =P. r.h. is knocked out in front me of
7:22 AM
Watching the sun rise, and proof-reading my paper
7:27 AM
It's snowing!! =D
8:34 AM
It's snowing even harder! Off to print my paper =]
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Jesus
Parody of Justin Bieber's Baby
I know You love me // I know You care
Just call whenever // And I'll be there
You have my love // You have my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart
Am I elected? // God quit playing
I'm really saved // That's what You're saying
I can't be glad-er // You look right in my eyes
My greatest love, healed my heart for the first time,
And I was like
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
For You // I will give up whatever
And I just can't believe that we're together
And I wanna play it cool // But I can't misrep You
I'll tell them everything // I'll tell them You're the King
And I was in pieces // But Christ healed me
And just shook me til' He woke me from my bad dream
I'm going up, up, up, up
And I just can't believe that He overflows my cup
And I'm like
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
(Marky)
When I was 16, I found my greatest love,
There was nobody that compared to my Saviour,
And nobody comes between us or could ever come above
He has me goin' crazy,
Oh I am bible-struck,
Rely on Him daily,
Don't need no Starbucks.
He makes my heart pound,
And skip a beat when I see Him on that tree and,
At Geths prayin' on the ground,
But I really wanna see Him after that weekend,
He know He got me gazin',
Cuz He is so amazin',
And now my heart is healin',
And I just keep on sayin'...
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine, mine
(Sin's all gone)
Yeah, yeah, yeah (6x)
(My sin's all gone, my sin's all gone, my sin's all gone)
Gone, gone, gone,(gone)
And it's all gone.
I know You love me // I know You care
Just call whenever // And I'll be there
You have my love // You have my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart
Am I elected? // God quit playing
I'm really saved // That's what You're saying
I can't be glad-er // You look right in my eyes
My greatest love, healed my heart for the first time,
And I was like
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
For You // I will give up whatever
And I just can't believe that we're together
And I wanna play it cool // But I can't misrep You
I'll tell them everything // I'll tell them You're the King
And I was in pieces // But Christ healed me
And just shook me til' He woke me from my bad dream
I'm going up, up, up, up
And I just can't believe that He overflows my cup
And I'm like
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
(Marky)
When I was 16, I found my greatest love,
There was nobody that compared to my Saviour,
And nobody comes between us or could ever come above
He has me goin' crazy,
Oh I am bible-struck,
Rely on Him daily,
Don't need no Starbucks.
He makes my heart pound,
And skip a beat when I see Him on that tree and,
At Geths prayin' on the ground,
But I really wanna see Him after that weekend,
He know He got me gazin',
Cuz He is so amazin',
And now my heart is healin',
And I just keep on sayin'...
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
He paid the, paid the, paid the price
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Christ
I know You'll always be mine, mine
(Sin's all gone)
Yeah, yeah, yeah (6x)
(My sin's all gone, my sin's all gone, my sin's all gone)
Gone, gone, gone,(gone)
And it's all gone.
Coveting
I found this interesting. The other day, I saw a KVM switch on sale for $12.99!! I was like, I gotta get me one of those! It's so cheap!
Well, I didn't get it in the end, because I had no major use for it whatsoever. I guess my motives were okay, cause those things are pretty expensive, and I can see it increase my productivity once in a blue moon. It's also a hobby of mine to geek around on any computer I can get my hands on =P, so the KVM switch will come in handy for those times. It was an entertainment cost.
It was interesting though, because even after resolving not to get it, a part of me still yearned for it. And I realized this was the same yearning I have for wanting a macbook (no apple fans, not because I prefer apple) and a netbook just to say I've worked on one. Just to say I have one, and can use one. Alright, I'll have to admit macbooks have better built in mics and webcams, and also photobooth, but those aren't really necessities.
Alright, so everything in the last paragraph could be legit (entertainment costs I say!). But then, other things come to mind, like the new ipod touch, blackberry torch, diamond-encrusted bible... (k the last one was a lie), and it kinda scares me.
I think it's best to just get what I need, and no more. I unno haha.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Forever
Over the mountains and the sea,
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down.
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever.
The VBS version of this song came on at random, and I'm reminded and am so glad I don't ever have the inclination to curse God. I love the children's voices - in orgo we learned that like attracts like =P.
Speaking of orgo, remember that positive always goes to negative (Hebrews 12, James 1).
I think amidst the feelings of inability, failure to compartmentalize, brokenness and scars, and pride, the one thing I am sure of is His love for me, and my love (not relatively, cause His love >> my love) for Him.
And to shamelessly steal from e.w. (hey, j.q. and j.l. did it already):
"I am not the man I ought to be, I am not the man I wish to be, and I am not the man I hope to be, but by the grace of God, I am not the man I used to be."
Your river runs with love for me,
and I will open up my heart
and let the Healer set me free.
I'm happy to be in the truth,
and I will daily lift my hands:
for I will always sing of when
Your love came down.
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever,
I could sing of Your love forever.
The VBS version of this song came on at random, and I'm reminded and am so glad I don't ever have the inclination to curse God. I love the children's voices - in orgo we learned that like attracts like =P.
Speaking of orgo, remember that positive always goes to negative (Hebrews 12, James 1).
I think amidst the feelings of inability, failure to compartmentalize, brokenness and scars, and pride, the one thing I am sure of is His love for me, and my love (not relatively, cause His love >> my love) for Him.
And to shamelessly steal from e.w. (hey, j.q. and j.l. did it already):
"I am not the man I ought to be, I am not the man I wish to be, and I am not the man I hope to be, but by the grace of God, I am not the man I used to be."
Monday, November 8, 2010
Confusion
Kinda wished God equipped me with a Lum Berry.
2/4 - I thought studying was ∝ to marks. For me, studying just increases my standard deviation.
2/4 - I thought studying was ∝ to marks. For me, studying just increases my standard deviation.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
CS vs. Emails
Writing emails I need to write brings more satisfaction than any headshots in counterstrike.
I should do this more often.
I should do this more often.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Souls
It keeps coming back to me. Those that stand out because they stand alone. I wish I could've cloned myself so I can attend to all of them. In hindsight, I was glad I pulled myself away from the 'tasks' at hand to talk with people. And I was glad another brother was there to shine light to this guy I didn't get to attend to. Good reminder that I can't just go rogue and do everything myself.
I was looking up "If We Are the Body" by Casting Crowns (see previous post), and found this song in the related section.
I think the scene that stands out the most is when she crumples up the gospel track. How garbage is it for Christ-followers to proclaim that God is love and yet fail to love?
I once met a girl named Kim, and I fell in love. I pursued her with my love and pursued her with my love until I felt my love had captured her heart. So I asked her to be my wife, and she said no. I was unrelenting and asked her again, pursuing her with my love, and I pursued her with my love until she said yes.
I did not send my brother, nor did I send a friend. For in issues of love, you must go yourself.
This is the story of God: he pursues you with his love and pursues you with his love, and you have perhaps not said yes. And even if you reject his love, he pursues you ever still. It was not enough to send an angel or a prophet or any other, for in issues of love, you must go yourself. And so God has come.
~Soul Cravings Prequel excerpt - Erwin McManus
Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
~Luke 15:3-7
I've never really understood what Jesus was saying here. And I don't think I get it still. But one thing that comes to mind is that this isn't about numbers. I mean, look at the risk vs. the return. That's like risking 99% of your remaining assets in hopes of gaining that 1% again. But if you consider each sheep to have an infinite value (ie. 1 sheep = ∞), 99 x ∞ = 1 x ∞. And so maybe it is not because the 99 sheep that aren't lost are not valuable or are less valuable, but rather the risk is worth it because you can not put a value on a sheep. It is that precious. That guy sitting by himself, surrounded by Christians, is that precious.
There's this guy that doesn't think God loves him. And after a while, I realized God has sent me to love this guy so he can experience God's love. I also realized that I can't really love him unless I spend time with him. I have to go myself to love him, and to show him that Christ has sent me to love him.
As Christians, we have many opportunities to share the gospel. What have you been doing with the opportunities God has given you? How has the Holy Spirit been prompting you? The bible warns us not to quench the Spirit's fire. Instead, we should be going to the lost. The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Do you not see the need? Jesus does.
~LBCM promo
I was looking up "If We Are the Body" by Casting Crowns (see previous post), and found this song in the related section.
I think the scene that stands out the most is when she crumples up the gospel track. How garbage is it for Christ-followers to proclaim that God is love and yet fail to love?
I once met a girl named Kim, and I fell in love. I pursued her with my love and pursued her with my love until I felt my love had captured her heart. So I asked her to be my wife, and she said no. I was unrelenting and asked her again, pursuing her with my love, and I pursued her with my love until she said yes.
I did not send my brother, nor did I send a friend. For in issues of love, you must go yourself.
This is the story of God: he pursues you with his love and pursues you with his love, and you have perhaps not said yes. And even if you reject his love, he pursues you ever still. It was not enough to send an angel or a prophet or any other, for in issues of love, you must go yourself. And so God has come.
~Soul Cravings Prequel excerpt - Erwin McManus
Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
~Luke 15:3-7
I've never really understood what Jesus was saying here. And I don't think I get it still. But one thing that comes to mind is that this isn't about numbers. I mean, look at the risk vs. the return. That's like risking 99% of your remaining assets in hopes of gaining that 1% again. But if you consider each sheep to have an infinite value (ie. 1 sheep = ∞), 99 x ∞ = 1 x ∞. And so maybe it is not because the 99 sheep that aren't lost are not valuable or are less valuable, but rather the risk is worth it because you can not put a value on a sheep. It is that precious. That guy sitting by himself, surrounded by Christians, is that precious.
There's this guy that doesn't think God loves him. And after a while, I realized God has sent me to love this guy so he can experience God's love. I also realized that I can't really love him unless I spend time with him. I have to go myself to love him, and to show him that Christ has sent me to love him.
As Christians, we have many opportunities to share the gospel. What have you been doing with the opportunities God has given you? How has the Holy Spirit been prompting you? The bible warns us not to quench the Spirit's fire. Instead, we should be going to the lost. The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Do you not see the need? Jesus does.
~LBCM promo
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Too Much Steam
Goodbye for now - maybe forever? =D
Means more space for a Linux Mint install anyways.
In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.
~2 Timothy 2:20-21
I guess I have more to say, but not enough time to type it up.
EDIT:
I lied - well kinda. It's a song, so I'm not really typing it =P.
-
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way
~If We Are The Body - Casting Crowns
Means more space for a Linux Mint install anyways.
In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.
~2 Timothy 2:20-21
I guess I have more to say, but not enough time to type it up.
EDIT:
I lied - well kinda. It's a song, so I'm not really typing it =P.
-
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road
But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way
~If We Are The Body - Casting Crowns
Monday, August 2, 2010
LBCM Summer Camp 2010
My brains feel like they've been fried. Man I need some sleep haha.
From the messages from the retreat, I'm moved to "let [my] light shine before men, that they may see [my] good deeds and praise [my] Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16). Yet I don't have a love for the lost. Is that even possible? Does that even make sense?
My heart broke again during this camp at the pain a child of God is going through. That's two now. Feeling so helpless. Feeling like they'll never be healed, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm so glad to see the Elijah (high school fellowship) members rising up and taking action with inklings of the same vision I had for them at the beginning of the term. And I don't think I have even shared my vision to any of them. Praise God! There's also a lot of pride to deal with, having to hold myself back from screaming, "This is what I've been trying to push for the whole time!" and "Screw off - this is my field, and you want to just step in and reap from this?". Strangely enough, I feel like my work is done. I wonder if it is.
Having the luxury of a laptop this year, I took the liberty of offline blogging, and will now flood this post with three days worth of thoughts. I'm not going to make any changes - I'm wayyyy to tired, and I think it's better to not taint my words with hindsight bias. I also wrote what I wrote above before reading what is below.
Approximate start time: Saturday, July 31, 2010 @ 1:30 am
I think I’ve hit my emotion level limit. So much has happened in this week alone. The biggest thing was definitely feeling so frustrated with the communication, or the lack of, between everyone involved in our church’s summer camp.
The first thing is that I got “voluntold” to be A/V two weeks before the camp by one of the core group members because the current guy isn’t baptized. I still don’t see why that is the case. If the chairman believes the guy can do it, let him do it. If not, talk to the chairman. Or at least don’t say you will talk to the chairman, and not do it. I don’t know what happened there, and I don’t want to conclude on anything, cause God has proven to me that I’m a pretty big hypocrite, but it’s definitely frustrating to find out the chairman did not know I was the A/V guy until the day before the camp. But I will praise God – still got some major things to iron out, but it’s almost there.
Secondly, there was such a lack of communication on what the worship team needed exactly for the camp, although I also frustrate myself a lot in hindsight. I should have looked through the previous minutes for indications of what is needed for the camp, and I am a pretty last minute guy, so I have to remove my plank out of my eye first. Still, please show mercy to me by responding to my emails. And double-check the to-rent list at least once. I was so frustrated when I was about to pay at the rental counter and found out that I had to rent a keyboard. It’s good to know God’s got all of us covered.
And then there’s that CHEM exam next week. Sigh. I don’t even know why God wants me to keep studying when all I do is procrastinate, and all I want to do is work and pay off my debt so I can start saving up to get married. I’m serious. Maybe its cause loving as Christ loves the church doesn’t leave room for procrastination.
On the topic of marriage, there’s so much pure joy going on. God often injects random scenes of where the thing I am currently going through will recur in raising a family. I don’t know if the calling can get any clearer. Except maybe by getting a girlfriend. Is it okay to ask God for a girlfriend to vindicate me from my family cause they laugh at me when I say I want to get married young? Hmm…
But in everything, God has been so good to me. By my failures, He reminded me that the 100 danarii people owe me is nothing to the 10000 talents I owe Him. And at the end of the day, He has proven again that He is justified when He judges. And then I start singing, “In the Valley”.
When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ
Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley
In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed
~In the Valley - Sovereign Grace Music
How fitting that “Desert Song” comes on in the random =P. Internet tells me this song was written after a miscarriage. Imagine the emotions she is expressing through this song.
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
~Desert Song - Hillsong
End time: Saturday, July 31, 2010 @ 1:56 am
Start time: Sunday, August 1, 2010 @ 1:42 am
Alright – I definitely need my sleep, so hopefully I make this short =P.
Ups and downs today too. Called L&M, found out you can use quarter inch cables for the speakers, went to L&M, and found out you can also use XLRs for them. So basically, we had everything we needed, but we didn’t know. Funny how that aligns with (one of) the speaker’s message. We have everything we need to do great things for God, but we have to learn how to use it.
I was pretty discouraged at one point, feeling like I couldn’t get through to the kids. Glad God enabled me to swallow my pride, and keep things moving. The Spirit reminded me later in the worship session of Hebrews 12 =]. Man it’s good to remember I’m a son of God.
The biggest highlight started when I walked into a dorm room to get the high schoolers to eat cup noodles, and find they are talking about the spiritual need in the fellowship! It’s been on my heart since last term, and here, they initiate on addressing this on their own! Definitely understand what D.Y. meant now – how encouraging is it to see God burdening others with the same burden you have. Got a lot to pray for and plan for tomorrow.
Still have a lot to learn about unity in the church. I think this is going to be a hard lesson, as I don’t have the best relationship with my family either. But I fear not – God has already started shaping me in this area, and I’m sure He’ll keep the fellowship from going rogue as I almost did last week.
And here I thought I would be doing nothing but serving and doing CHEM the whole camp, and not having any “comfort” time. Yet in all my serving, God has been faithful in being my peace, my comfort, and my joy. I gained all those back, and so much more. God, You’re such a show-off, always out-giving me.
End time: Sunday, August 1, 2010 @ 2:00 am
Start time: Monday, August 2, 2010 @ 2:27 am
I’m so gonna crash tomorrow.
This morning’s message cut me to the heart. It’s weird – I have the passion to do outreach, to serve the community, yet I feel like I don’t have a love for them. Man I’m weird. And broken. My brokenness seems to get in the way with my relationship with God, yet at the same time, I have grown to love Him so much more because of my brokenness. Weird.
There’s a lot going through my mind, and I don’t know how to word them. I guess it’s time for some transcendent peace.
End time: Monday, August 2, 2010 @ 2:33 am
From the messages from the retreat, I'm moved to "let [my] light shine before men, that they may see [my] good deeds and praise [my] Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16). Yet I don't have a love for the lost. Is that even possible? Does that even make sense?
My heart broke again during this camp at the pain a child of God is going through. That's two now. Feeling so helpless. Feeling like they'll never be healed, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm so glad to see the Elijah (high school fellowship) members rising up and taking action with inklings of the same vision I had for them at the beginning of the term. And I don't think I have even shared my vision to any of them. Praise God! There's also a lot of pride to deal with, having to hold myself back from screaming, "This is what I've been trying to push for the whole time!" and "Screw off - this is my field, and you want to just step in and reap from this?". Strangely enough, I feel like my work is done. I wonder if it is.
Having the luxury of a laptop this year, I took the liberty of offline blogging, and will now flood this post with three days worth of thoughts. I'm not going to make any changes - I'm wayyyy to tired, and I think it's better to not taint my words with hindsight bias. I also wrote what I wrote above before reading what is below.
Approximate start time: Saturday, July 31, 2010 @ 1:30 am
I think I’ve hit my emotion level limit. So much has happened in this week alone. The biggest thing was definitely feeling so frustrated with the communication, or the lack of, between everyone involved in our church’s summer camp.
The first thing is that I got “voluntold” to be A/V two weeks before the camp by one of the core group members because the current guy isn’t baptized. I still don’t see why that is the case. If the chairman believes the guy can do it, let him do it. If not, talk to the chairman. Or at least don’t say you will talk to the chairman, and not do it. I don’t know what happened there, and I don’t want to conclude on anything, cause God has proven to me that I’m a pretty big hypocrite, but it’s definitely frustrating to find out the chairman did not know I was the A/V guy until the day before the camp. But I will praise God – still got some major things to iron out, but it’s almost there.
Secondly, there was such a lack of communication on what the worship team needed exactly for the camp, although I also frustrate myself a lot in hindsight. I should have looked through the previous minutes for indications of what is needed for the camp, and I am a pretty last minute guy, so I have to remove my plank out of my eye first. Still, please show mercy to me by responding to my emails. And double-check the to-rent list at least once. I was so frustrated when I was about to pay at the rental counter and found out that I had to rent a keyboard. It’s good to know God’s got all of us covered.
And then there’s that CHEM exam next week. Sigh. I don’t even know why God wants me to keep studying when all I do is procrastinate, and all I want to do is work and pay off my debt so I can start saving up to get married. I’m serious. Maybe its cause loving as Christ loves the church doesn’t leave room for procrastination.
On the topic of marriage, there’s so much pure joy going on. God often injects random scenes of where the thing I am currently going through will recur in raising a family. I don’t know if the calling can get any clearer. Except maybe by getting a girlfriend. Is it okay to ask God for a girlfriend to vindicate me from my family cause they laugh at me when I say I want to get married young? Hmm…
But in everything, God has been so good to me. By my failures, He reminded me that the 100 danarii people owe me is nothing to the 10000 talents I owe Him. And at the end of the day, He has proven again that He is justified when He judges. And then I start singing, “In the Valley”.
When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ
Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You’re near with every breath
In the valley
In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley’s where Your power is revealed
~In the Valley - Sovereign Grace Music
How fitting that “Desert Song” comes on in the random =P. Internet tells me this song was written after a miscarriage. Imagine the emotions she is expressing through this song.
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
~Desert Song - Hillsong
End time: Saturday, July 31, 2010 @ 1:56 am
Start time: Sunday, August 1, 2010 @ 1:42 am
Alright – I definitely need my sleep, so hopefully I make this short =P.
Ups and downs today too. Called L&M, found out you can use quarter inch cables for the speakers, went to L&M, and found out you can also use XLRs for them. So basically, we had everything we needed, but we didn’t know. Funny how that aligns with (one of) the speaker’s message. We have everything we need to do great things for God, but we have to learn how to use it.
I was pretty discouraged at one point, feeling like I couldn’t get through to the kids. Glad God enabled me to swallow my pride, and keep things moving. The Spirit reminded me later in the worship session of Hebrews 12 =]. Man it’s good to remember I’m a son of God.
The biggest highlight started when I walked into a dorm room to get the high schoolers to eat cup noodles, and find they are talking about the spiritual need in the fellowship! It’s been on my heart since last term, and here, they initiate on addressing this on their own! Definitely understand what D.Y. meant now – how encouraging is it to see God burdening others with the same burden you have. Got a lot to pray for and plan for tomorrow.
Still have a lot to learn about unity in the church. I think this is going to be a hard lesson, as I don’t have the best relationship with my family either. But I fear not – God has already started shaping me in this area, and I’m sure He’ll keep the fellowship from going rogue as I almost did last week.
And here I thought I would be doing nothing but serving and doing CHEM the whole camp, and not having any “comfort” time. Yet in all my serving, God has been faithful in being my peace, my comfort, and my joy. I gained all those back, and so much more. God, You’re such a show-off, always out-giving me.
End time: Sunday, August 1, 2010 @ 2:00 am
Start time: Monday, August 2, 2010 @ 2:27 am
I’m so gonna crash tomorrow.
This morning’s message cut me to the heart. It’s weird – I have the passion to do outreach, to serve the community, yet I feel like I don’t have a love for them. Man I’m weird. And broken. My brokenness seems to get in the way with my relationship with God, yet at the same time, I have grown to love Him so much more because of my brokenness. Weird.
There’s a lot going through my mind, and I don’t know how to word them. I guess it’s time for some transcendent peace.
End time: Monday, August 2, 2010 @ 2:33 am
Saturday, July 24, 2010
...but with God all things are possible
A little break from the 'letters' series. Does anyone know how to tag old blog posts so I can keep track of them?
***The post below does not reflect the beliefs of the author, but are only for "jokes"***
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
~1 Corinthians 2:11
In all my (short) years of life, I've come to realize one thing. And that is women often do not understand what they want. And if a woman's spirit has trouble understanding her own thoughts, how much less can a man's spirit understand the thoughts of women?
But praise be to God, who knows each and every single women before they were born, and can guide us into all truth in their thoughts.
Amen.
***The post below does not reflect the beliefs of the author, but are only for "jokes"***
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
~1 Corinthians 2:11
In all my (short) years of life, I've come to realize one thing. And that is women often do not understand what they want. And if a woman's spirit has trouble understanding her own thoughts, how much less can a man's spirit understand the thoughts of women?
But praise be to God, who knows each and every single women before they were born, and can guide us into all truth in their thoughts.
Amen.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Decades
How many decades does a person go through? My senior pastor asked that during our 20th year celebrations.
If you think about it, how much is, say, 80 years of life, compared to umm, eternity?
Of course, f(x) = 80 / x , is undefined for x = ∞ , but we know it equals 0 as x approaches ∞.
I've been thinking, and doing some calculations. So often I hear "I wish it was Friday" or "TGIF!". And according to my calculations, if we have about 17 weeks per term, each TGIF is 5% of our term (rounded engineering style). Every Friday = 5% less time to do what we are called to do.
I have to stop forgetting how much time we really have.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:10
after..a little while...
If you think about it, how much is, say, 80 years of life, compared to umm, eternity?
Of course, f(x) = 80 / x , is undefined for x = ∞ , but we know it equals 0 as x approaches ∞.
I've been thinking, and doing some calculations. So often I hear "I wish it was Friday" or "TGIF!". And according to my calculations, if we have about 17 weeks per term, each TGIF is 5% of our term (rounded engineering style). Every Friday = 5% less time to do what we are called to do.
I have to stop forgetting how much time we really have.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:10
after..a little while...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Children
So I thought it would be cool to do a post for each letter of the alphabet, and find a word to relate to God. Get me thinking about something different about God each day.
But then I was wondering if I was just coming up with connections between a word and something about God, and like showing off my wittiness or something. Like seriously, I don't have much trouble with workaholic-ism. I wasn't sure if I should keep going.
And then God gives me a word that reflects how I felt today. Figures. At least this one's more meaningful.
-
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
~Hebrews 12:4-11
It used to always be Mark and his bubble. He liked it that way, and he knew he sucked at the things he well, sucks at. And when someone goes and pushes him out of his bubble to get him out of his bubble and try something different, he just goes and proves how sucky he is. Why try new things when it is the first step towards failure? Best to be satisfied with what I have, and preserve it as long as possible. Forget meeting people. Forget risking getting hurt.
Then I decided to go into Bioinformatics (I don't know if the "snaker" is reading this, but if you are, you can skip this part cause I'll be repeating myself to you =P). There were other reasons for going into Bioinformatics (non-career wise), but the "deal-breaker" that ultimately convinced me to go into Bioinformatics was that I will force God's hand.
See, the advisor was kinda against me going into Bioinformatics with my high 60's average. "Most people drop about 2 GPA from their high school average." After some thought though, I figured that it doesn't matter if it is God's specific will for me is to be in Bioinformatics (from my point of view). If I am right about this, God is glorified, and I get to experience His grace as He brings me through this program successfully. If not, God will still be there through my decision, and I get to experience His grace as He brings me through my failures. Which means He will be glorified regardless. Win-win situation for the win.
So begins my bubble-abandoning. And God has been so good - like, soOoooOooOoOooooo good - being able to experience His power and growing to believe miracles, and even expect them (I don't know if that's an oxymoron >.>).
SO the main reason "children" is today's word is because of Hebrews 12. Lately, I have been so humbled by the evidences of God's grace in my home church. As well, God has been showing me just how evil I am on the inside. Man, even I can not stand my own heart.
I was thinking to myself, "Man - why bother take risks? When you do not, the Holy Spirit's convicts you of sin (of omission). If you do, the Holy Spirit overwhelmingly humbles you. If I am going to feel bad anyways, might as well take the bubbly and comfortable way.
And Hebrews 12 hits me within seconds of thinking that thought (thanks Holy Spirit). If I am not God's children, I wouldn't even care! But I do, and God is still disciplining me because He loves me. I might not fully understand in my heart what it truly means to be a child of God, but this experience was so encouraging. I smirked on hearing God's word, and did a little "haii" as I realized what the 'c' word is going to be.
Great is the Lord God Almighty
Great is the Lord on high
The train of His robe fills the temple
And we cry out highest praise
Glory to the risen King
Glory to the Son, glorious Son
Lift up your heads
Open the doors
Let the King of glory come in
And forever be our God
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Holy is the Lord on high
Let all the earth bow before You
And crown You Lord of all
Glory to the risen King
Glory to the Son, glorious Son
Lift up your heads
Open the doors
Let the King of glory come in
And forever be our God
~Glory - Hillsong
But then I was wondering if I was just coming up with connections between a word and something about God, and like showing off my wittiness or something. Like seriously, I don't have much trouble with workaholic-ism. I wasn't sure if I should keep going.
And then God gives me a word that reflects how I felt today. Figures. At least this one's more meaningful.
-
In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
~Hebrews 12:4-11
It used to always be Mark and his bubble. He liked it that way, and he knew he sucked at the things he well, sucks at. And when someone goes and pushes him out of his bubble to get him out of his bubble and try something different, he just goes and proves how sucky he is. Why try new things when it is the first step towards failure? Best to be satisfied with what I have, and preserve it as long as possible. Forget meeting people. Forget risking getting hurt.
Then I decided to go into Bioinformatics (I don't know if the "snaker" is reading this, but if you are, you can skip this part cause I'll be repeating myself to you =P). There were other reasons for going into Bioinformatics (non-career wise), but the "deal-breaker" that ultimately convinced me to go into Bioinformatics was that I will force God's hand.
See, the advisor was kinda against me going into Bioinformatics with my high 60's average. "Most people drop about 2 GPA from their high school average." After some thought though, I figured that it doesn't matter if it is God's specific will for me is to be in Bioinformatics (from my point of view). If I am right about this, God is glorified, and I get to experience His grace as He brings me through this program successfully. If not, God will still be there through my decision, and I get to experience His grace as He brings me through my failures. Which means He will be glorified regardless. Win-win situation for the win.
So begins my bubble-abandoning. And God has been so good - like, soOoooOooOoOooooo good - being able to experience His power and growing to believe miracles, and even expect them (I don't know if that's an oxymoron >.>).
SO the main reason "children" is today's word is because of Hebrews 12. Lately, I have been so humbled by the evidences of God's grace in my home church. As well, God has been showing me just how evil I am on the inside. Man, even I can not stand my own heart.
I was thinking to myself, "Man - why bother take risks? When you do not, the Holy Spirit's convicts you of sin (of omission). If you do, the Holy Spirit overwhelmingly humbles you. If I am going to feel bad anyways, might as well take the bubbly and comfortable way.
And Hebrews 12 hits me within seconds of thinking that thought (thanks Holy Spirit). If I am not God's children, I wouldn't even care! But I do, and God is still disciplining me because He loves me. I might not fully understand in my heart what it truly means to be a child of God, but this experience was so encouraging. I smirked on hearing God's word, and did a little "haii" as I realized what the 'c' word is going to be.
Great is the Lord God Almighty
Great is the Lord on high
The train of His robe fills the temple
And we cry out highest praise
Glory to the risen King
Glory to the Son, glorious Son
Lift up your heads
Open the doors
Let the King of glory come in
And forever be our God
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
Holy is the Lord on high
Let all the earth bow before You
And crown You Lord of all
Glory to the risen King
Glory to the Son, glorious Son
Lift up your heads
Open the doors
Let the King of glory come in
And forever be our God
~Glory - Hillsong
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Bedtime
Unless the LORD builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
~Psalm 127:1-2
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
~Psalm 127:1-2
Monday, June 14, 2010
Atonement
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
~Romans 5:8
~Romans 5:8
Saturday, June 12, 2010
For those wondering why I'm in Math, but am taking Biology courses [repost from fb note]
Well you see... http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=YlmYqQ-sthA&feature=related
/end fb note
So she went out and began to glean in the fields behind the harvesters. As it turned out, she found herself working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelech.
~Ruth 2:3 - emphasis added
Haha was thinking about my (Mathematics ^ Biology ^ Education) v (pre-Bioinformatic) days.
For those in Biology, it is very annoying to find that Biology courses are not available for all three terms. Especially if you are in co-op and are trying to get all your degree requirements after switching from Mathematics to Bioinformatics.
"As it turned out", I am still able to graduate in 5 years despite those restrictions. It's amazing how things turn out - gj God, gj. I would say thank You, but I don't think You're done with the surprises yet.
Well I know that I may have had my share of failing and falling
But I have come to understand one thing remains
By all He’s done
I have been made holy
Worthy of serving the One
The One who wrote eternity
So deep in my heart
Open your eyes and see
The wonder of a life
So wonderfully free
Lift up your head, believe
There is more
There’s so much more to see
You remind me still
Of the hope and promise
Daring my heart to be brave
And all the while
You strengthen me
So deep in my heart
His mercies are new every morning
His mercies are new every day
His mercies are new every morning
Beautifully new every day
Lift up your eyes and see
~More to See - Hillsong
/end fb note
So she went out and began to glean in the fields behind the harvesters. As it turned out, she found herself working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelech.
~Ruth 2:3 - emphasis added
Haha was thinking about my (Mathematics ^ Biology ^ Education) v (pre-Bioinformatic) days.
For those in Biology, it is very annoying to find that Biology courses are not available for all three terms. Especially if you are in co-op and are trying to get all your degree requirements after switching from Mathematics to Bioinformatics.
"As it turned out", I am still able to graduate in 5 years despite those restrictions. It's amazing how things turn out - gj God, gj. I would say thank You, but I don't think You're done with the surprises yet.
Well I know that I may have had my share of failing and falling
But I have come to understand one thing remains
By all He’s done
I have been made holy
Worthy of serving the One
The One who wrote eternity
So deep in my heart
Open your eyes and see
The wonder of a life
So wonderfully free
Lift up your head, believe
There is more
There’s so much more to see
You remind me still
Of the hope and promise
Daring my heart to be brave
And all the while
You strengthen me
So deep in my heart
His mercies are new every morning
His mercies are new every day
His mercies are new every morning
Beautifully new every day
Lift up your eyes and see
~More to See - Hillsong
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Encouragement
When you look up from the tall fields that God has called you to, and see others working beside you. ~Stolen from JL
"When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad..." ~Acts 11:23
"When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad..." ~Acts 11:23
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Hey American Idol audience...
...why do you even take the time to listen to what the judges have to say if you're just gonna boo at every criticism and cheer for every praise?
Just a random thought - not a post to bash on American Idol or anything. Although, it does make me think of:
For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. ~2 Timothy 4:3
Just a random thought - not a post to bash on American Idol or anything. Although, it does make me think of:
For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. ~2 Timothy 4:3
Monday, April 26, 2010
When I was your age...
I'm such a packrat. I love to keep everything around, whether it's my homework assignment from grade 7 to the packaging of all the Pokemon cards I have ever owned. They have a very high sentimental value.
I threw out all the structure deck boxes for my Pokemon cards today. Every single one. I also threw out my special edition Gamecube boxes. It was mostly triggered by the fact my mom wanted me to throw them out, and a bit of getting rid of stuff that has no (monetary) value that has no use whatsoever.
As I flattened each box (NOT MY POKEMON BLUE ORIGINAL BOX T.T), I kept thinking two thoughts:
"It has no eternal value, it has no eternal value, ..." to keep me going and
"What am I going to tell my kids when I grow up???"
I mean, I wanna have those moments with my children/grandchildren where I go, "When I was your age, we had these things called Pokemon cards", and then pull out the boxes and cards from the basement or something and show them.
I guess that's pretty legit to want, but it got me thinking. Surely there's more important stuff I can talk about "when I was your age". First example that comes to mind is:
He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD. ~Proverbs 18:22
(Hey, that's important okay!)
Or maybe:
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. ~1 Timothy 4:12
Or all of Hebrews 12.
The one that really got me thinking was if I will be able to say this on my deathbed:
For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. ~2 Timothy 4:6-8
I think this one gg's all the other ones.
I threw out all the structure deck boxes for my Pokemon cards today. Every single one. I also threw out my special edition Gamecube boxes. It was mostly triggered by the fact my mom wanted me to throw them out, and a bit of getting rid of stuff that has no (monetary) value that has no use whatsoever.
As I flattened each box (NOT MY POKEMON BLUE ORIGINAL BOX T.T), I kept thinking two thoughts:
"It has no eternal value, it has no eternal value, ..." to keep me going and
"What am I going to tell my kids when I grow up???"
I mean, I wanna have those moments with my children/grandchildren where I go, "When I was your age, we had these things called Pokemon cards", and then pull out the boxes and cards from the basement or something and show them.
I guess that's pretty legit to want, but it got me thinking. Surely there's more important stuff I can talk about "when I was your age". First example that comes to mind is:
He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD. ~Proverbs 18:22
(Hey, that's important okay!)
Or maybe:
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. ~1 Timothy 4:12
Or all of Hebrews 12.
The one that really got me thinking was if I will be able to say this on my deathbed:
For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. ~2 Timothy 4:6-8
I think this one gg's all the other ones.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Goodbye Blizzard
It's not you - it's me.
Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
~Luke 9:62
Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
~Luke 9:62
Saturday, March 6, 2010
"Aren't you glad it's not dependent on you?"
For those who know me, I'm a lazy guy.
I was sharing with a brother about helping a (seeker) friend get to know Christ, and how easy it would be for me to neglect this roommate because I'm a lazy guy. This brother promptly replied with, "Aren't you glad it's not dependent on you?"
Indeed.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
~2 Corinthians 4:7
I was sharing with a brother about helping a (seeker) friend get to know Christ, and how easy it would be for me to neglect this roommate because I'm a lazy guy. This brother promptly replied with, "Aren't you glad it's not dependent on you?"
Indeed.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
~2 Corinthians 4:7
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