You know in those dramas, where a girl trips, and a guy conveniently was there for her to fall right into his arms? And how afterwards, the girl is all embarrassed and runs away (Can't escape!) afterwards. And how in your heart, you go "awwwwww" cause it was cute? It's so easy for me (as a guy) to go through these motions or to mimic these scenarios without much emotional weight behind it.
I was looking at the top 10 articles in 2012 for Boundless, and came across this one: What's a Guy to Do?. As I was reading and posting the article on a facebook group, the guilt of all the things I've done comes rushing back, and the accusation of being a hypocrite begins to ring repeatedly. No matter. I may be a hypocrite, but it doesn't mean I can't proclaim truth.
I used to loved teasing girls, and I still love it too much to this day. Not that it is necessarily wrong (although it seems to be a fine line), but it was all about the attention, cause frankly, it's nice to have a girl's attention. I still tease once in a while as part of a conversation (read: joke around), but even then, it seems like a really fine line to walk on. TL;DR: teasing = fine line.
It is by God's grace that I've gotten out of the habit of teasing girls for attention. But I could never take back the thousands of lines of gchat history, nor unhurt the girls who's heart I've mishandled. It was a learning experience that frankly costed others a lot more pain than it did to me.
I know it's lame to apologize through a blog (not to mention that it might not be read), but I don't think digging up the past is a better alternative. If you are one of those girls, I'm sorry, and can issue a more formal apology/discussion if you would like.
On a happier note, I got my act together the last time I started "playing around" with a girl. Hi honey =P.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
(you must restart to apply) updates
I know I say this a lot, but time flies. Oh wait, I'm not AW.
No updates really. Time goes by fast, but life goes by slowly. This working thing really makes life a lot less eventful.
No updates really. Time goes by fast, but life goes by slowly. This working thing really makes life a lot less eventful.
- I'm moving in two months or so. I guess that's exciting.
- It was fun interviewing co-ops (especially if you know one of them and tried hard not to laugh haha).
- I miss my girlfriend =[.
- I like (Harvest) small group surprisingly =D. I'm so used to being alone in my walk that liking small group threw me off.
- Work is busy as usual. We need more testers. If you're interested, let me know ;).
- My room is pretty clean.
- God is good!
- I need more time with Him. Need more direction in life. Everything pursuit seems meaningless otherwise.
- Col. 3:1-17
- I'm almost halfway in paying off my student loans =D.
- I spend too much money.
- PMS sucks.
That is all.
< /braindump>
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Under My Umbrella
So the other day I was walking my lovely girlfriend to E5, when it started raining. Since she forgot her umbrella, we had to share... hehehehehe =P. (In my defense, I suggested twice that she bring her's before we left her place. No complaints though =P).
All the scandalous stuff aside, I decided to hold the umbrella, and we continued on our way. However, because I was so concerned about her, I started walking crooked, and away from our destination.
She started repeating something, but even then, because I was so focused on her, I insisted on keeping the umbrella over her. After a few times however (as a scientist, I believe in doing multiple times... alright I just failed at listening), I finally heard her telling me to just keep walking towards the destination. She'll keep up with me, and make sure she stays under the umbrella.
This analogy hit me quite hard. Lately, I have been so obsessed over her well-being that I lost focus on the other things God has placed on my heart. Over this weekend, I was able to step back and turn my eyes away from my girlfriend. All the other things God has convicted me of returned, and immediately I found strength doing these things, because I must go.
This analogy now serves as a reminder that if I can't keep my eyes on where God wants
me to go, then whoever I'm leading will go astray with me. I have to trust that those under my umbrella will stay close, and yes, I should take a look back once in a while to make sure things are okay, but if I keep my eyes there for too long, then everyone suffers. And if the other person/people goes another direction, then pray it will not be out of sin or disunity, but that we will part in love.
Soli Deo gloria
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Up close and personal with a toilet
So recently, the Westcourt toilet clogged, and by the afternoon that day, I forgot about it, so I decided to have one of my more regrettable moments in life. As I looked at my organic waste floating in the bowl that could not be emptied, I just hoped that the regret I felt was enough to unclog the toilet.
A few days and a few glugs of bleach into the toilet bowl later (we thought it would break down any organic waste blocking the way), the contents of the toilet bowl became a dried and flattened err.. cookie? The bleach clearly worked in breaking down organic materials, but failed to clear a path large enough for the water to bring the insoluble matter with it.
After a few hours in the morning, and the diligent work of Jacky, we managed to pump all the waste out. Of course, this was after the toilet overflowed a few time as we naively tried to flush. We decided to let management know, and before you know it, the toilet works again =D. However, we were still faced with the task of cleaning the washroom.
The title outlines what happened next. When I reached around the toilet, my face would become closer to the toilet bowl than Edward and Bella in a tight embrace. And I thought about today's sermon.
There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.
~Proverbs 30:12
The pastor described that filth was a very strong language to use in this context; it is equivalent to... well, what I introduced into the toilet bowl. He described how absurd it is for someone to think they are clean when they are covered in filth. This verse talks about how people embrace sin, yet continually see themselves as clean, when what they should do is get clean (how do you get clean? I'll leave this as an exercise to the reader. Hint: Jesus).
I thought of how my sin is filth to God, and how He gets up close and personal with me to clean up my mess. Except for His case, I keep wanting to, and do, overflow with unclean things as He tries to wipe me down. Call me a hypocrite (cause I am), but I don't think I'll ever learn this lesson, no matter how much I understand this analogy.
And don't bother trying to clean yourself up with rags just as filthy as you. Sola gratia.
A few days and a few glugs of bleach into the toilet bowl later (we thought it would break down any organic waste blocking the way), the contents of the toilet bowl became a dried and flattened err.. cookie? The bleach clearly worked in breaking down organic materials, but failed to clear a path large enough for the water to bring the insoluble matter with it.
After a few hours in the morning, and the diligent work of Jacky, we managed to pump all the waste out. Of course, this was after the toilet overflowed a few time as we naively tried to flush. We decided to let management know, and before you know it, the toilet works again =D. However, we were still faced with the task of cleaning the washroom.
The title outlines what happened next. When I reached around the toilet, my face would become closer to the toilet bowl than Edward and Bella in a tight embrace. And I thought about today's sermon.
There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.
~Proverbs 30:12
The pastor described that filth was a very strong language to use in this context; it is equivalent to... well, what I introduced into the toilet bowl. He described how absurd it is for someone to think they are clean when they are covered in filth. This verse talks about how people embrace sin, yet continually see themselves as clean, when what they should do is get clean (how do you get clean? I'll leave this as an exercise to the reader. Hint: Jesus).
I thought of how my sin is filth to God, and how He gets up close and personal with me to clean up my mess. Except for His case, I keep wanting to, and do, overflow with unclean things as He tries to wipe me down. Call me a hypocrite (cause I am), but I don't think I'll ever learn this lesson, no matter how much I understand this analogy.
And don't bother trying to clean yourself up with rags just as filthy as you. Sola gratia.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Final Getsuga Tenshō
All-nighter for the last exam of undergrad! Hope everyone gets the bleach reference.
12:38 AM
Ligand binding: Sequential displacement is equivalent to two phase locking. Double displacement is not serialized. Benefits of being in CS and biology.
12:56 AM
Doing my dailies on neopets instead of studying. After all these years I still know the times for snowager.
2:02 AM
Now my right eye is twitching.... lolz
3:00AM - 4:00AM
Nap! =P Quite refreshing
Man all-nighters aren't that fun if you're actually studying haha. Praise God I passed (and pretty well too)! Just waiting for one more course, and I'll know if I officially graduate =].
12:38 AM
Ligand binding: Sequential displacement is equivalent to two phase locking. Double displacement is not serialized. Benefits of being in CS and biology.
12:56 AM
Doing my dailies on neopets instead of studying. After all these years I still know the times for snowager.
2:02 AM
Now my right eye is twitching.... lolz
3:00AM - 4:00AM
Nap! =P Quite refreshing
Man all-nighters aren't that fun if you're actually studying haha. Praise God I passed (and pretty well too)! Just waiting for one more course, and I'll know if I officially graduate =].
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
God's will
Is it safe to say that growing closer to God includes knowing what He wants in a given situation without consulting anyone else, and without God saying so explicitly?
I always think of God with characteristics similar to an Asian dad (not from experience), where He's quiet for the most part. I know He loves me (Romans 5:8), and I know He cares (Matthew 6:25-34). I can shout whenever, and I know He's always there. He is love (1 John 4:8), and He is the strength of my heart (Psalm 73:26), and we will never ever ever be apart (Romans 8:37-39).
[Sorry - had to do the Baby reference. It would make such an awesome praise song if it were done right =D.]
But yea, maybe I just don't understand emotionally this whole Abba business. I'll find out one day.
I always think of God with characteristics similar to an Asian dad (not from experience), where He's quiet for the most part. I know He loves me (Romans 5:8), and I know He cares (Matthew 6:25-34). I can shout whenever, and I know He's always there. He is love (1 John 4:8), and He is the strength of my heart (Psalm 73:26), and we will never ever ever be apart (Romans 8:37-39).
[Sorry - had to do the Baby reference. It would make such an awesome praise song if it were done right =D.]
But yea, maybe I just don't understand emotionally this whole Abba business. I'll find out one day.
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